From relationships and situationships to breakups and divorce, I’ve had my fair share of lessons from love. When I look out into the world I hope to make a better place, I’ve learned that the best place to start is with me and my interpersonal relations. In my twenty-four years of living, here’s what I’ve learned from love (and loss);
Learn to love your body
No amount of love any person can give you compares to the love you can give yourself. We often look for external validation and acceptance before we truly find it within ourselves. The truth is; if you’re unhappy alone, you’ll most likely end up unhappy in a relationship too. Physically and emotionally ask yourself; how can I expect someone to satisfy my needs if I’m unsure of them myself? Or simply have a hard time giving myself those things? Learn to love your body, inside and out, before sharing it with someone else. Not only will this help create a healthy relationship with yourself, but you will also be less likely to settle for anything less than what you know you deserve.
Identify and maintain boundaries
Always stay true to who you are. The idea of someone becoming your “other half” should not excite you, why would you settle for less than a whole secure person? [If you consider yourself half a person, you should probably figure your shit out before entering a relationship, just sayin.] Ultimately, the one life you have to live is yours; that is the life you should be concerned with making the best. Any traits or actions that go against what makes you feel good and secure should not be accepted.
“We accept the love we think we deserve” and this year we’re only accepting the best!
Overcome the societal shame associated with sex + sexual pleasure
Overcoming any sort of shame society has made up can be extremely challenging but also very rewarding. Worrying too much of what others may think ultimately defeats the purpose of us all living and experiencing our own lives. Create your own rules, screw anything that makes you feel bad about any part of who you are! As a woman, one major struggle we face is the shame associated with our sexual pleasure but guess what; that’s entirely man-made and such an illegitimate excuse to keep you from enjoying all the orgasms you deserve! This point goes hand in hand with loving your own body. Who cares if masturbating is hard to talk about? There’s typically not much talking (or social interaction) during the act, so you may as well try all the things you (may) like!
Take it one day at a time
One important thing to remember is; your life is not set on a timeline. You have absolutely nowhere to be right now realistically, regardless of what you desire or are expected to do. Whether you’re starting a new relationship or continuing something long term, why fill the moment with anxieties over the future when you can enjoy the time you have together now. The whole point of being with someone else is to enjoy their company, support each other’s growth, and make the most of every day. Who knows where tomorrow may lead us? Let’s enjoy today!
Acknowledge the warning signs and trust your intuition
You cannot change someone who does not want to be changed. Reread that. Again. We often enter relationships expecting the other person to change that one thing about them that just doesn’t click with us. While sometimes something small can easily be brushed off, wouldn’t it be easier to just be with someone you can enjoy entirely and don’t feel the need to fix? If getting caught up in lies or a manipulating demeanor present themselves, especially early on, listen to your partner; they are showing you exactly who they truly are. Why cut yourself trying to fix a broken glass when there’s another perfectly good one already put together in the cupboard? If your gut says you shouldn’t do it, don’t. That is simply the best way to avoid going to a place you don’t want to be. The reason why you end up thinking, “I should have known” is because you literally did know, but chose to ignore it instead. Trust yourself, clearly you are capable of great things; one person should never stunt your growth regardless of your relation to them.
What’s one lesson loving or being loved has taught you?
Cheers to the most important love of all; self-love, xxo bri